hair: reactions, being weird

“Were you freaked out when it was gone?” (Or variations of that) – since I’d been thinking about it for weeks beforehand, and since it had been driving me nuts for most of that time, not really. The sensation, when she made that first cut & suddenly I had a chin-length bob, was mostly one of relief, also delight. On top of that, it’s not as though I’ve had long hair all my life. I started growing it out this time less than three years ago. I’ve even done this once before, although that was more emotionally intense: I started growing out my hair during my senior year of high school, and through most of college it was an important part of my identity, that very long vivid red hair. I had it cut in the spring of my senior year of college, mostly out of the same sense of OMG TOO MUCH HAIR, but I could really only go shoulder-length. I was honestly not ready for short hair. (I went about this short a little over a year later if I remember correctly.) This time? Totally ready.

“Going short in the winter?” – so it may turn out that I cut all my hair off during the coldest week of the entire year…although so far that hasn’t bothered me too much, especially since I was wearing it off of my face and neck most of the time anyway. (Something the hairdresser said to me: if you’re wearing it in buns and braids to get it out of the way most of the time, you might as well cut it short.) And as a surprise bonus, my favorite knit hat actually fits better now, even looks super-cute (IMHO) with the crazy curl things.

Mostly I’m just immensely enjoying the feeling of having my head free.

And this thing that I wrote about yesterday: so this cut has these long wispy bits coming down in front of my ears. In the photo that was my inspiration, they’re long and wispy, but tidy. Dramatic looking, but in a sleek way. On me, with my big wavy hair, it’s this explosion of almost-curl. And at first I was extremely doubtful. I had her go shorter with the bangs, and somehow that helped. I think it kept my face from being overwhelmed by my hair. (MY HAIR.)  But I kept in mind the idea that I was trying to be interesting, dramatic, whatever you want to call it. (Later, should link this to the lovely tumblr post from Scrapscallion.) As it turns out, and as I wrote yesterday, that part of this style has gotten a really positive response. Last night I mentioned my reaction to C, and he said something to the effect of that part actually making the style work, not be boring. Which is a reminder that I can probably do stranger things than I think I ought to, and that my take on what works is maybe not always reliable. I am my own unreliable narrator. Which you’d think I’d know that already, but it turns out I very frequently need a reminder.

I’m still considering having her widen the bangs (?) a bit, to give a tad more definition between them and the sides, but I’ll probably just leave it alone.

Ah, it seems a bit shallow to have spent/be spending so much time, energy, and words on just my freaking hair. But there’s so much culturally and personally, so much gender construction, so much family history, so much time and emotion.